they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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