real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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