That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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