I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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