She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my phone needs a breathalizer
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
