I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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