remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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