how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
