She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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