If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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