Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
