You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
