after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
