A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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