He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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