How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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