do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
