WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
