I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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