He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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