Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
