similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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