Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
