The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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