What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
