You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
