im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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