I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
