My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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