he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
