Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
