i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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