Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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