He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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