just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
