remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
