Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
