I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
