sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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