life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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