Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
