Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize