pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
