The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
