we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
