She announced her abortion via fbk
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
