How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
