They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
