I skipped work to stalk him.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
