I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The air taste purple.
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