she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
