Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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