Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
