and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
