hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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