It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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