I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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