Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
