well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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