You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He shit in the fireplace
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
