I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
