is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
