Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
