I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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