Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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