I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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