i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
