We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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