dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
