If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
