hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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