We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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