i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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