Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Girls should come with a carfax report
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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