So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
