After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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